Trading boring pictures of your day can be just as fun and charming as sending selfies. Don’t overthink this. If I’m into someone-or even just think I could potentially be into them-I genuinely do want to see the bomb breakfast they made themselves, the disastrous state of their desk, and/or as a picture of their cute face drinking their evening cocktail. I’ve been known to ask for selfies from folks while they’re waiting in the DMV line, with their Starbucks order, or just to show off their outfit (;ll change out of our pajamas. ).

Play an actual game. (Not like, “playing games” with someone’s time or head-like, pick a corny activity you can have fun with over text.)

We’re adults-extremely fun-starved, horny, and bored adults. Using the structure of a game to give some parameters to how you get to know each other might alleviate that, even for a little while! Try these:

Rose, Bud, Thorn is a very refreshing alternative to the question, “How was your day?”  This version carries much more of the potential to get a cute glimpse into someone else’s life and show them a little of your own. Each person shares their “rose” (a thing that felt good/hopeful that day), their “bud” (something that could be improved upon, or something they’re learning), and their “thorn” (the shittiest part of their day, which might sound negative, but is actually fun to bitch about with someone who’s on your team).

Did you download Snapchat yet? Because that will absolutely take truth or dare to the next level. Here’s some of my favorite truths and dares to play with crushes while we’re far apart:

I would like to challenge us to think outside of the box when it comes to thinking of trios of things to F/M/K here. While celebrities are interesting enough, knowing my crush would fuck Meryl Streep doesn’t really tell me anything besides, “Cool.” Try FMK with concepts/places/items//etc.! This gives us the potential to playfully disagree or commiserate that yes, we’d both fuck cold press… but we’d regret it!

Exchange playlists!

I, personally, don’t really care what music someone else listens to. What I do care about is creativity and playfulness, and THOSE are the energies I bring when I create a playlist for someone I’m flirting with.

While passing someone a Spotify playlist of our favorite songs can say a lot about us, we’re not in high school anymore. Let’s get specific. Here’s some playlist ideas to give (or request) from your online crush:

–ANY inside joke can become a playlist. I sent my partner a playlist called “I’m Gonna Be Alive” which is a very specific forgettable line from Casper (the ghost movie, yes) that we both watched at the same time.

(Usually, we can initially tell if a text conversation is going in that direction, but if you’re not sure, just ask-and here’s a comprehensive guide to the whole conceit of sexting and other kinds of talking about sex, in general.).

As a society, we’ve progressed past sending each other snaps of a genital close-up. If you’re really in the mood, this is where Snapchat can come into play to show a little bit of movement. A quick image of someone’s hands going down their pants does more for me than a hole pic. Your hands on the band of your underwear, an artful image of your chest, a post-shower selfie with water dripping off your body. If you’re daring, send a Snap with no image, just the sound of you moaning/panting, and let the other person’s brain fill in the rest.